I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
