i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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