well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So apparently I’m into choking now
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