Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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