omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Randomize
