You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
