I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
