uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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