I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We talked him into tasing himself.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
