the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Drunk is not a location!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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