She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
