Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
