in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
