I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
