i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
