I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
