I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
