My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
