i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize