The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
