yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
