YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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