Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
