what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
