Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
