Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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