my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
