the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
