i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
