Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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