he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
