I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
