glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
