If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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