this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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