can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
