bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
