dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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