Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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