this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
