I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
