i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
