i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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