There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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