He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
