I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
