I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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