I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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