and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
