becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
