Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
