plz talk dirty to me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
