I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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