You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
